If you want readers to connect with your writing, you need to immerse them deeply into the mind of your characters. Readers need to hear, see, and experience everything your character experiences.

How do you do that? The answer is deep point of view.

What is deep point of view, and how can you use it to make your storytelling better? It helps if you are writing nonfiction and using narrative elements, but it is transformative if you are writing fiction.

We have a great guest to help us with this topic today. She is a bestselling author of warm-hearted historical romance. She was voted the number one reader’s favorite Christian romance author in 2019 by FamilyFiction Magazine. She is a multiple award-winning author and a firm believer in the power of happy endings.

Karen Witemeyer, welcome to The Christian Publishing Show.

What are the different types of point of view?

Thomas: What are the different types of point of view?

Karen: Your basic points of view are first person and third person. First person is when you are writing as the main character, using “I” and “me.”

Third person is what I typically write. In romance, you will often have two points of view, a hero and a heroine. Writing in third person lets you take off one hat and put on another, slipping into different characters. Third person uses “he” and “she.”

You do occasionally see omniscient point of view, told from a narrator’s perspective. That is less common, especially in genre fiction, but it is an option.

Second person is also an option, using “you,” but you do not see it very often, especially in fiction.

Thomas: Second person is common in real-life storytelling, though. I find myself using it more as my toddlers get older. Telling them stories from their own life is a really effective way to teach, and to remind them they have learned certain lessons the hard way and do not have to learn them again.

There is also a trick with first person that Mark Twain does really well. If you want to jump into someone else’s head, have that person tell your first-person character a story. Twain will sometimes go three levels deep, where a second person tells a story to the first-person narrator, and then inside that story someone reads a letter from a third person. He will give them different voices, but it is still first person. I do not know if Twain ever wrote in anything other than first person.

If you want to see first person done well, look at Mark Twain.

But deep point of view is kind of combining the closeness of first person with the flexibility of third person. How does that work?

What is deep point of view?

Karen: The biggest thing about deep point of view is making it feel like first person while keeping the flexibility of third person.

The main way you do that is making sure your narrative sounds like the character. You do not want it to feel like the author is describing what is happening, and then, “Oh, here is some dialogue.”

You want the whole narrative to reflect the point of view character for that scene. That helps the reader get immersed in the scene and into the character’s head. They hear the thoughts, feel the emotions, and experience the story firsthand, instead of having it reported to them.

Thomas: You are exploring the senses too. I have found in my daddy storytelling time that when I get into what something smells like, I really get the toddlers’ attention. They are very curious about smells.

How do you keep point of view “pure” in a scene?

Thomas: Walk us through some practical ways to do this. Could you give us an example of what deep point of view sounds like?

Karen: One of the rules is to keep the point of view pure in each scene. Only one point of view character per scene.

There are a lot of books with head-hopping, and early writers will say, “So-and-so head-hops all the time.” That can be true, and some writers can do it effectively. But I would argue they are not actually using deep point of view.

Deep point of view gets so far inside the character that nothing jars the reader out.

It is also your job as the author to know your characters. You have to know who they are before you can convince the reader.

There are several ways to do that. You can journal as the character. You can write a scene in first person from the character’s perspective, then go back and change it into third person to see if it changes the intimacy.

Another trick is not calling the character by name too often. You need names sometimes to clarify who is speaking or acting, especially in a busy scene. But most people do not think of themselves in the third person. They think, “I am just me.”

When you reduce the overuse of a character’s name, it helps the reader get into the groove of the story, living vicariously through the character, without the name constantly pulling them out.

Why is writing from each character’s perspective so useful?

Thomas: That first-person exercise you mentioned is also a common screenwriting technique. When screenwriters want to make sure each character’s motivation is consistent, they will write the same scene four or five times from different characters’ perspectives. It will never end up in the screenplay. It is just a way to check the logic.

In screenwriting, an actor has to think the character’s thoughts and put them into a performance. If the writer does not do that work, the actor will do it, and they may interpret it differently.

One way to maintain some control is to think through those motivation questions. It may only lead to small tweaks, but it makes the character more consistent and more compelling.

For example, “Why would he put the gun on the mantelpiece?” He cannot do it just because you need the gun on the mantelpiece for the next scene. He needs his own motivation.

Karen: I like that analogy. An actor brings their own motivations and influences to a role, even their own backstory. The same is true for characters. Even though you are in control, you still want the narrative to reflect the character’s personality, backstory, and how they speak.

Sometimes I will use sentence fragments in a male point of view narrative because that is how he would speak. A lot of times we speak the way we think. Incorporating that into the narrative helps the reader feel like they are experiencing the scene as the character is.

How do you remove “head words” and go deeper?

Thomas: What are some more techniques for zooming in and getting deeper into the character’s mind?

Karen: One technique I still work on is getting rid of “head words.” Head words are terms that introduce what is coming next, phrases like “he thought,” “she knew,” “he wondered,” “she noticed.”

Those phrases set up the observation instead of letting it land directly. Work on taking them out and letting the action happen or letting the thought appear as a direct thought.

Instead of, “She wondered if he was going to be late,” you can write, “Where was he?” It is more direct. It has more personality. It feels like you are experiencing it with the character.

Thomas: It also adds tension. Those phrases can act like micro-spoilers. They preview what the next sentence is going to do, which relieves tension.

Here is a simple trick if you want to catch those words. Turn on Track Changes in your manuscript, then use the Find and Replace feature. Replace the word with itself. For example, replace “wondered” with “wondered.”

It deletes the word and adds it back, and with Track Changes on, it highlights it. Then you can review each instance and decide if it earns its place. Some do. Many do not.

The real skill is knowing your crutch words. Sometimes it takes an editor’s eye to say, “You realize you have used this word a dozen times in the last two chapters.”

Why does deep point of view take more work?

Karen: That is a great trick. And like you said, these are guidelines. Nothing is hard and fast. There is always a reason to break a rule if it helps the story. But as we work to improve our craft, we need a good reason for breaking a rule. We should not do it just to be a rule-breaker.

Deep point of view will not make your writing easier. It will make it harder. It takes more time. It often takes more space on the page. It is also an emotional investment from the author. You have to pour yourself into it and be willing to go deeper instead of grabbing the first, easiest phrasing that comes to mind.

People write differently. If you are someone who needs to get the first draft down and then layer in depth during revision, deep point of view might come in an editing stage.

For me, I am a methodical, perfectionist writer. I write one slow, careful draft, and I have to do this as I go. Otherwise, it will not get added in.

Sometimes I have to stop and take several minutes to stare off into space and ask, “How should I say this so that it feels like it is coming from my character, not from me as the author?” How do I avoid simply telling it in the easiest way and instead take the time to go deeper and add those layers as I write?

Thomas: A lot of people do not realize that when an author is sitting and staring out the window, they are still working. Sometimes it is the most important work they do because they are trying to solve a problem that can lead to a real breakthrough in their writing.

How do you shape a character voice that fits the time and place?

Karen: One thing I like to think about is what makes my character’s voice different. As I write in deep point of view, I want to ask, what makes this character sound like this character?

I write western romance set in historical time periods. If you compare a cowboy in a modern setting to a cowboy in the 1880s, they should think and speak differently. They should not sound the same.

A frontiersman in 1815 America and a British nobleman from across the pond are going to have very different points of view and very different life experiences. Those should show up in both narrative and dialogue.

Taking time to figure out who your character is, even compared to other characters in the same time period, or a similar character across different time periods, can help you identify what makes that character unique.

Thomas: Their use of English is even different. That is one advantage of writing in the real world instead of fantasy. You can lean on what you know. A British aristocrat will use different words. He will say “trousers” instead of “pants.” Even when he gets angry, his insults will sound different than what a cowboy would say.

If you are writing speculative fiction, this is a great world-building opportunity. A lot of this technique started among Mormon writers like Brandon Sanderson who wanted to avoid offensive language but still wanted their characters to swear, so they invented swear words.

They discovered that swearing reveals the world and the character. What gods do they swear by? What insults do they use? What do they fear? Those things work their way into language. It let them have characters swear without using modern profanity, while also showing character and culture.

Karen: Absolutely. Education level makes a huge difference, not only in dialogue, but in the narrative too. The character’s region, background, and occupation matter. A character will use different terminology depending on what they do for a living.

All of those things should be used to enrich the point of view character in the narrative.

Can you use dramatic irony in third person the way you can in first?

Thomas: I have a question about that. There is a trick you can do in first person narration where the narrator observes something and misinterprets it, while the reader understands what is really happening. It creates an interesting dynamic.

In Huckleberry Finn, Huck runs into con artists. We know they are not who they claim to be, but Huck does not. Twain can pull that off because he gets so close to the point of view.

Can you do those kinds of tricks in third person, or is it harder because third person still feels like a narrator?

Karen: It can be a little harder, but you still have opportunities, especially if you have multiple point of view characters. One person’s reality can be very different from another character’s reality, and you can play off that contrast.

You can also use some first-person techniques inside third person through direct italicized thoughts. You usually do not want those to be extended, because you can create the same effect with deep third person, but a sentence or two in italicized first-person thought can make it very clear what the character is thinking.

It can be easier with multiple point of view characters because one character can think, “This is what I intended,” while the other character interprets the intention completely differently. There is still room for that kind of misunderstanding, it just works differently.

When should you use italicized thoughts in deep point of view?

Thomas: When you use italicized thoughts, do you put them in first person? For example, if someone is hanging on a cliff, would it be, “Am I going to die?”

Karen: Yes. When you are writing deep point of view, the only time you should use italics is for a direct first-person thought, using “I,” “me,” and that kind of phrasing.

Otherwise, you stay in deep third person. You can still use “he” and “she,” but you do not need italics because the narrative itself is already deep.

Thomas: This might be the big difference between regular third person and deep third person. Regular third person often feels cinematic. You picture a camera in the scene, and you see what the camera sees. The camera can see what is happening in the room, but it cannot see into minds.

With deep point of view, you can enter a character’s internal world while still showing what is happening externally.

Karen: Right. It is a great way to add humor and personality, and even those misconceptions you were talking about, because the character might not say what they are thinking, but the reader gets to hear it. That adds a whole layer of complexity that would not be there in a purely cinematic point of view.

Thomas: Dune uses an omniscient point of view, and we talked about that.

I think the best scene in the book is the dinner party scene where you know what everyone is thinking. There is tension because what is said and what is not said are very different. That scene got cut from the movie.

Some writer friends and I were talking, and we were like, “They had to cut it.” Without the inner thoughts, the plans within plans, and the plots within plots, it is just a dinner party. It would be boring on screen. It is one of the most intense scenes in the book, almost like a battle, but there is no good way to film it.

If you watched the movie and enjoyed it, go read Dune. Just know that from a point of view perspective, it does not follow the rules we are laying out here. There is more than one way to write a book.

That said, deep point of view is generally easier than truly omniscient head-hopping within a scene. That is hard to pull off well.

How do you show emotion without naming it?

Karen: Another area to focus on for deep point of view is how you portray emotion.

Just like we talked about eliminating head words, you can also eliminate naming emotions. You want the reader to experience the emotion without being told what it is.

A deep point of view scene should evoke the emotion you are aiming for without stating it outright. There are a few ways to do this.

One is visceral response. What is the character physically feeling? Is their heart fluttering? Do they feel sick to their stomach? Do they have a headache? Is their pulse pounding in their neck? Those physical cues tell the reader how the character feels.

Another is thoughts. You can show what the character is thinking, but not in a flat way like, “I am so jealous right now.” Instead, you can show jealousy through what they think, what they assume, what they resent. That brings personality, makes it more enjoyable to read, and evokes the emotion instead of naming it.

Thomas: And it is a chance to bring in backstory. He yells at her, and she hears his voice like it is her father yelling at her all through her childhood. So even if it is the one time he yells in the whole story, and maybe it is not a big deal to him, to her it is crushing because of all the context coloring that moment.

You can get that context by being in her head without needing a whole chapter at the beginning about the dad yelling at the little girl.

How can imagery and metaphor deepen point of view?

Karen: Exactly. Another trick I use a lot is imagery. I love analogies, metaphors, and visual pictures. If you use them in a way that reflects who your character is, it adds another layer of deep point of view, bringing the character to life for the reader.

You can use imagery to enhance the emotion of a scene through analogy, metaphor, and setting. The setting can echo what the character is feeling.

You do not want to overdo clichés, but you can take the first cliché that pops into your head and twist it into something unique to the character.

Instead of “butterflies in her stomach,” I had a character describe the feeling as something swelling inside her like yeasty bread dough on a warm windowsill. That was something she would know. Then she thought about needing someone to punch her down and knead her back into shape because she did not want the feeling to overwhelm her.

You can extend an analogy like that and make it feel fresh, specific to the character, and emotionally vivid.

Thomas: Metaphor can be a worldbuilding tool. Instead of adding a paragraph that explains some tweak of your fantasy world, you can have the character interpret something through a metaphor that uses a fantastic element of the world. It helps the reader understand the world and the scene at the same time.

You can also use this in romance. Analogies and metaphors spice up your writing in good ways in any genre.

What does deep point of view look like on the page?

Thomas: Could you give an example of a sentence written in normal third person, and then show what it looks like in deep point of view?

Karen: Sure. We were just talking about evoking emotion instead of naming it. One example I use when I teach deep point of view is a sentence where the emotion is simply stated. The sentence is not bad. It is not horrible writing. But we can make it deeper.

We will use jealousy as an example:

“Stephanie eyed her rival, jealousy burning within her as the woman’s manicured hand stroked Jason’s sleeve.”

That is a good sentence. But instead of naming jealousy, we can deepen the point of view and make it more of an experience for the reader instead of information.

Here is the revised version:

“Stephanie eyed her rival, her throat constricting as she fought to keep a hostess smile from contorting into a snarl. How dare she show up tonight on Jason’s arm, and with her talons sunk into his sleeve like some medieval war bird? Where was a cat when you needed one?”

We did several things. You have no doubt she is jealous, but we never mention jealousy.

We added visceral response. Her throat constricts. You can feel her tightening up. She is not pleased.

Thomas: What you are doing here is demonstrating a technique we talk about all the time, showing rather than telling.

Deep point of view is a whole toolbox for showing rather than telling. Instead of telling, “She is jealous,” you show evidence of jealousy. The reader has fun decoding the scene. Each sentence has a little mystery as they piece it together. It is more fun to read.

Karen: That is exactly right. Deep point of view enhances the show part of your writing.

We added the visceral response, her throat constricting. We also added action. She is fighting to keep her hostess smile in place instead of letting it turn into a snarl.

Then we added direct thought. “How dare she show up tonight on Jason’s arm?” That would be italicized as a direct thought.

We also added personality. “With her talons sunk into his sleeve like some medieval war bird. Where was a cat when you needed one?” That adds humor, snark, and voice.

Yes, it is slightly longer. We have several sentences instead of one. It takes more effort. But it enriches the scene and evokes the emotion instead of telling the reader what the character feels.

Does deep point of view make a story longer or tighter?

Thomas: I would argue that when you use this technique throughout a book, it does not make the story longer. It can actually make it tighter.

Even though it takes more sentences in a small example, it conveys more information and does heavy lifting. If you tried to convey all those layers using older techniques, you would often need more words overall. In a short snippet it looks longer, but across a whole book it can end up tighter. I suspect it can be shorter overall.

Karen: It can be. I do get questions from writers who say, “Editors tell me I spend too much time in interior monologue, and deep point of view sounds like it is all interior monologue. How do I find balance?”

There is a balance. You do not want to spend the whole story inside the character’s head. Action has to happen. The story has to move forward. Pacing matters.

As you deepen point of view, keep that in mind. Do not sacrifice pacing just to spend more time in the character’s head. It has to be balanced. You add a little here and a little there. Sometimes you trim because it hurts pacing. Those pieces work together.

How do you know when you have gone too deep?

Thomas: How do you know when you have gone too deep? You can get lost. It is like Inception. You keep going deeper until time slows down and nothing is happening. Half the movie happens while somebody is falling.

How do you know you have gone down the rabbit hole too far?

Karen: A clue is how many pages you have gone without action or dialogue. That can indicate that you are spending too long in the character’s head.

Another clue is feedback. Critique partners or an editor might say, “You spent too long in this character’s head.” Sometimes you need someone outside the story to point it out.

As you practice, you develop a feel for it. You start to sense when you are lingering too long in the internal world and not moving the scene forward.

Also, these do not have to be long paragraphs of introspection. They can be small snippets between lines of dialogue and beats of action. They are often most effective when they are interspersed in the middle of action and dialogue, enriching the scene while the story keeps moving.

Thomas: I think of deep point of view as gravy on steak and potatoes. The steak and potatoes are the character and the plot. Deep point of view does not replace the need for strong characters or a compelling plot. It adds flavor.

But you can add too much gravy. A meal of nothing but gravy is frustrating. It leaves you thirsty, and you are still hungry at the end.

Karen: That is true. Deep point of view is tied to character. If you do not have well-developed characters, you cannot really establish deep point of view. Those two are connected.

I see deep point of view as part of characterization, while plot is something separate, but they have to blend. Otherwise, you will not have a harmonious story.

How do you develop non-point-of-view characters?

Thomas: How do you balance deep point of view with side characters or non-point-of-view characters? You might have a major character, but you never get inside their head. How do you keep it from feeling like you have one glorious, interesting character surrounded by boring people? They need a hard surface to push off of. How do you use deep point of view to develop non-point-of-view characters?

Karen: A lot of it depends on relationship. If they are friends, enemies, or something in between, your point of view character is going to have strong opinions and strong emotions about them.

You can get great material with villains because the point of view character can react internally in ways they would never say out loud. You also see how the point of view character responds when the other person enters the scene. Are they excited? Do they dread the conversation? Are they afraid because it is the villain?

But the secondary character still has to be developed through dialogue, actions, and reactions. They cannot be cardboard, throwaway characters. They need to be three-dimensional too, even if you never enter their head.

Thomas: And just because you can go inside someone’s head does not mean you stop paying attention to the camera. The camera still has to capture behavior and dialogue.

Dialogue is a great glimpse into another character’s mind. If you are doing characterization well, side characters will sound different, and that teaches the reader who they are. Like we were talking about earlier, put a cowboy and an English lord in the same scene. Their dialogue will be different. Even if you are only in the cowboy’s head, you learn a lot about the English lord.

Karen: You can also use body language cues. It is fun to have a conversation where you are only in one person’s head, but the other person’s body language suggests something different.

Now the reader has doubt. Can I really believe what he is telling me? There was a strange gleam in his eye when he said that.

Body language, attitude, and tone of voice can be tricky to portray on the page, but if you give enough clues, the reader will pick up on it.

What common mistakes do writers make when writing deep point of view?

Thomas: What mistakes do you see when people try to write deep point of view, where you are tracking with the story and you just think, “Ugh”?

Karen: One is using italics too much. Some writers think they have to italicize deep point of view instead of letting it flow. Italics jump off the page. They are useful for emphasis or a quick direct thought, but paragraphs of italics are tiring for the reader.

Another is spending too much time in interior monologue. We need action. We need pacing. The story has to keep moving forward. Even if the character is having great epiphanies, you may need to trim them so that they hit harder instead of dragging out.

Thomas: In some audiobooks, internal monologue is voiced with a strong reverb effect so that the listener knows what is thought versus spoken. That is only good in small doses. A whole paragraph with that echo effect is grating.

So, for those of us who mostly listen to audiobooks, do not cover the plate with gravy. It is not soup. Use interior monologue sparingly and strategically, not for every problem.

How do you keep metaphors from turning into clichés?

Karen: Something else that can get overused in deep point of view is cliché. When people are trying to write analogies, clichés creep in.

We talked about butterflies in the stomach versus yeasty bread dough rising. In my Ladies of Harper’s Station series, in No Other Will Do, I ended up using two food analogies fairly close together, one from the heroine’s point of view and one from the hero’s point of view. They were completely different because they came from two different people with different life experiences.

Emma’s analogy was the yeasty bread dough rising on a warm windowsill, wanting someone to punch it down and knead it back into shape. She is a woman in the 1800s. She bakes her own bread. She is excited and giddy, but she also knows she needs to stay sensible and practical.

Then from Malachi’s point of view, he comes to help her, but he thinks he is not good enough for her. He has doubt and insecurity, and he worries about what happens when she does not need him anymore. Here is how his analogy came out:

“And when she didn’t need help anymore, Malachi tried to ignore the insidious thought as he basked in the light of Emma’s grateful smile. But the prospect lingered in the air between them, tainting the sweetness of the moment like rotted beef in a savory stew.”

Malachi grew up on the streets. He ate out of garbage cans. He knows what rotted beef tastes like. It fits his background, and it also shows how he sees himself, something rotten that spoils something good.

That is the goal, an analogy that is true to the character, and that carries imagery and emotion without naming it.

Thomas: It is risky to use food metaphors for two different characters, but of all the metaphor categories, food is probably the safest because everybody has to eat.

Karen: True, and it is something your character can relate to. That matters.

How do you choose metaphors your audience will understand?

Thomas: If your analogy is too esoteric, it does not work because it does not create a picture.

A lot of Jesus’ parables were easy for the original audience because they were farmers. For many people today who have never grown anything, someone has to explain how farming works before they fully understand the parable.

You need to know your audience the way Jesus knew his audience and use metaphors that connect.

Karen: There are differences between writing from a female point of view and writing from a male point of view. All characters are unique, but there are some general tendencies.

Women tend to be more flowery and poetic in language. Men tend to be more direct, short, and raw. They are often less concerned about hurting feelings.

That does not mean you write stereotypes. Every character has their own personality. But those tendencies can flavor how you write from that perspective.

Should you use sensitivity readers for the opposite gender?

Thomas: Do you use sensitivity readers? Do you have men read your male point of view scenes to make sure it sounds authentic?

Karen: I do not. I grew up with a brother and lots of male friends, and I usually have more fun writing the male point of view than the female point of view.

You also have to keep readership in mind. I write romance. I do have male readers, but most of my readers are women. While you want the male point of view to feel true and authentic, you also want it to be the male point of view your female readers want. You have a little leeway.

It is always encouraging when male readers tell me how much they enjoy my stories. I write romance for women most of the time, but it is also a good old-fashioned western. So that feedback is reassuring.

Thomas: My wife checks a subreddit called “Men Writing Women” sometimes. It is just people making fun of passages that are supposedly from a female point of view, but they are clearly written by a man who has no idea. You read it and think, “Have you ever met a woman?”

I do not know if there is an inverse subreddit, “Women Writing Men.” Maybe it exists.

But the principle is sound. If you are unsure, have someone who matches that point of view read it. Have a man read the male scenes. Have a woman read the female scenes. If they say it tracks, you are probably fine.

This gets easier as you write more, but early on, creating a fictional character and thinking inside a head that is not your head is one of the big obstacles. Every writer has to figure it out.

Karen: It is a lot like being an actor. You put on a persona, but you also bring your own authentic experiences and emotions to make it real.

What is your encouragement for writers who feel stuck?

Thomas: Any final tips or encouragement for someone who is struggling to write compelling characters and is listening to this episode looking for hope?

Karen: Keep after it. One of the best things you can do is read. Read books that do it well.

Find books where you feel immersed, where you are invested in the character, and enjoy the story. Then go back and analyze what the author did. That will help you see what you need to do in your own writing.

Which of your books best demonstrates deep point of view?

Thomas: Of all the books you have written, which one do you feel shows deep point of view best? If someone wants to read one book and give this a shot, which one would you recommend?

Karen: I will recommend More Than Words Can Say. Even the title points to what is happening beneath the words.

It has a lot of humor, and it has characters playing off each other from very different backgrounds, which gives you a good sense of deep point of view on the page.

Where can readers connect with you?

Karen: My website is karenwitemeyer.com. You can learn about me, sign up for my newsletter, and find all my books.

I also have a Facebook group called The Posse. Search for The Posse and you will find it. It is a group of fans where we talk about bookish stuff. Sometimes they help me brainstorm character ideas and plots. They are my first level of beta influencers, and they get to help shape characters and stories.

• Karen Witemeyer
• The Posse Facebook Group
• More Than Words Can Say

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